A couple days ago I looked around the house and suddenly felt a sense of panic. It took me a while to pinpoint what was so worrisome. Eventually, the fear manifested itself into a question:
How are Hannah and I going to raise a person? Not just any person: Baby WuBerry...a Wu.
I emphasize the word "raise" because it's not like we're just taking care of a baby. I'm not too worried about taking care of the baby. We MUST do that out of necessity, but we're fortunate enough to have the means, supplies, support network, and medical care required to take care of her. I'm more worried about doing the right thing to instill proper values and morals. And of course, that assumes we know what's "right" in most situations. Right?
It's intimidating thinking about raising a human being. Aside from wishing for good health, I want WuBerry to have a good sense of humor, to be respectful, curious, open-minded, and really good at the violin. ;) Ok, I joke on the last one, but I will push her to cultivate her talents, whatever they might be, and to learn persistence and perseverance. I can't stand people who quit halfway through whatever they signed up to do! Wu's don't quit!
The challenge with all of that is figuring out the best way to motivate and educate WuBerry while only being able to control so much. I'm probably less of a control freak than Hannah is, but it's still scary to trust others to teach them when our child is so impressionable.
I know it's just my personality to have these feelings of worry and doubt, and that it's probably normal. In the long run we'll figure it out and all will likely be fine. Still, I find it interesting to get the perspective of other parents. I've recently heard the following nuggets of wisdom:
Advice #1: "Kids don't come with an instruction manual, but you just figure it out."
My reaction: Wow, that's reassuring. I'll just figure it out.
Advice #2: "In the beginning, you worry about every little thing, but they end up being ok. Most behavior is normal, and kids are sturdier and more resilient than you think."
My reaction: I'll keep that in mind when she's screaming her head off due to something I did wrong.
Advice #3: "Every kid is different. What works for one may not work for another."
My reaction: Yeah, but what's mine going to be like?
Advice #4: "You'll do great. The fact that you're even asking these questions and thinking through these types of things shows how good a Dad you'll be."
My reaction: Ooooookay. Thanks for the pep talk.
Any other advice for a soon-to-be dad? I promise to withhold my snarky reaction. ;)
A good piece of advice I received was to accept the fact that I will fail as a parent. I know it doesn't sound reassuring, but the more you think about, it actually is, because it takes away a little bit of pressure. You and Hannah will love your daughter unconditionally and be the best parents you can be, but at the end of the day, no parent is perfect. We will make mistakes, and it's ok! Arthur and I quickly realized we can never be in full control of Ashley or how we raise her, so outside of what we consider "very important," we try to go with the flow more and control a little less :).
ReplyDeleteBTW - nice color in the nursery!
Bring on the snark. My main thought is that parenting advice isn't necessarily meant to reassure you, but to prepare you so you aren't blindsided. Take in all the advice you get, then use what works for you. Adding my responses:
ReplyDeleteAdvice #1: "Kids don't come with an instruction manual, but you just figure it out."
My reaction: Wow, that's reassuring. I'll just figure it out.
awu sez: Some people take to child-rearing more naturally than others; same for different stages of childhood and for different kids. So you may figure it out, or you may rely on books or websites. I've learned a ton from other parents with the same-age kids. You have all the fundamental tools and advantages for taking care of a baby. The rest is figuring out how to shape the "rules" and guidelines around your particular little person, and yourselves.
Advice #2: "In the beginning, you worry about every little thing, but they end up being ok. Most behavior is normal, and kids are sturdier and more resilient than you think."
My reaction: I'll keep that in mind when she's screaming her head off due to something I did wrong.
awu sez: If she's screaming, it's not because of something you did, it's because she's a baby. Accidents happen, mistakes happen and you learn from them. Keep that in mind rather than worry about doing something "wrong."
Advice #3: "Every kid is different. What works for one may not work for another."
My reaction: Yeah, but what's mine going to be like?
awu sez: You have no idea. It's terrifying and awesome. You get to learn who a person is right from the beginning! And the first several months, just when you think, "My baby is like this," they go through a developmental change and are different. As the parents, you are the experts on your baby, so you'll try on different strategies and styles and find what's best for all of you.
Advice #4: "You'll do great. The fact that you're even asking these questions and thinking through these types of things shows how good a Dad you'll be."
My reaction: Ooooookay. Thanks for the pep talk.
awu sez: Newborns are hard. Babies are hard. Toddlers are hard. They are also every kind of wonderful. You have lots of time to worry about teaching respect, curiosity, violin. Pace yourself! And know that if you demonstrate those things in yourselves, your kid will be one big step closer. I'm trying to do the same myself!